As a mediator, I get phone calls from lover

As a mediator, I get phone calls from lovers who think mediation may save their relationship. I show them that mediation isn’t designed to do this. The purpose of mediation is certainly to get rid of a relationship in a genuine way that’s civilized, non-adversarial and dignified. best divorce lawyer orange county

People who think that their relationship could be saved owe it to themselves and their kids to seek the aid of a good trained and experienced family members or relationship therapist. I discuss marriage counseling with all of my mediation clients before the mediation is begun by us process. divorce lawyer orange county ca

I think the misconception that marriage counseling and divorce mediation are the same thing came about because the two processes are similar in some ways. They use many of the same techniques to help couples learn to communicate, to get over emotional blocks that prevent effective communication. Both processes help spouses develop a deeper understanding of themselves and each other. Both processes empower people to express emotions and needs that may have gone unspoken for many years.

But that is where the similarity ends. A marriage counselor will do these things and teach these communication skills to help a couple heal and rebuild their marriage relationship. A mediator shall use these techniques and help a couple communicate so they can move forward, negotiate a reasonable divorce settlement, and establish a new, post-divorce relationship.

The “War of the Roses” Couple Another misconception about mediation is that a couple must be on good terms for it to work. When I am called by a person to represent him or her as a divorce lawyer, the first thing I ask is if they have considered mediation. A common response is, “We couldn’t mediate. We can’t even talk to each other.”

Mediation can work for almost every couple, but it is the angriest, most bitter couples who stand to benefit the most from mediation. There are two reasons for this. First, they have the most to lose in the litigation system. The emotional and financial cost of fighting over every detail of a divorce is enormous, if not ruinous. Second, because these are the people who most need to learn the communication skills that did not exist in their marriage. Through mediation, many angry couples learn to put their anger aside so they can reach a settlement that is truly in their best interests and not one that satisfies a need for revenge or punishment.

If Not Marriage Counseling, What? Divorce can be so stressful, that during the course of mediation even, either spouse may feel a need for help coping. For them, divorce counseling is the answer often. Divorce counseling helps people deal with the pain, grief and anger of divorce. Emotionally, many people deal with divorce the same way they deal with a death. They need to work through the same emotional stages: shock and denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Unfortunately, without professional help, some social people get stuck in one of these stages. Since the goal of divorce therapy is not for the couple to get back together, but to deal with breaking and moving on to a new life up, it can be done in conjunction with mediation.

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